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Any nooo members? No, OK let's begin. Don't forget to pay Sue (Sue@fatfighters.co.uk , all major credit cards accepted) before we begin... Now as you know, we're having a fatty epidemic in Britain so I have been asked to help you reach your target weights by teaching you what's good and bad to eat. Except that you're all weak-minded and love a bit of cake... mmmm we all love a bit of cake, don't we? But as you're all grossly huge and deeply unattractive you really should show some self control and know when to stop shoving those cakes in your fat gobs, usually when slumped in front of the telly watching Trisha or some other thing with common people in it but I say no! Look at me, I am my target weight and you don't get to look like me by eating sensibly and taking regular exercise, oh no! You must be sick to death of people pointing at you and recoiling in horror, no? And the smell! The Fatfighters diet plan is the only way to get rid of those extra pounds. I mean, look at what happened to Dr Atkins, the big fat pig, more like Dr Fatkins! He exploded cos of all the meat and lard and Cornish pasties and eggs he had eaten. Luckily there are some famous people who have been Fatfighters Celebrity Fat Pigs, you know, on that thing on the telly with that man who shouts... |
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Pop Idol flop Rik Waller was 30 stone when he joined Fatfighters and was told that he would die if he didn't lay off the pies. He didn't quite achieve his target weight of 29 stone, the greedy pig, as he wouldn't lay off the cakes or use the special Fatfighters pencil case. Michelle McManus was a big blubber butt before she joined us but since taking up the half and half diet she has been able to stuff twice as many pork pies in her fat face, when she isn't wailing those awful songs on the telly. Sadly she is still a fattie and no one bought her last single. Hilarious gay Matt Lucas has achieved his target weight and was Fatfighters Slimmer Of The Year (Llanddewi-Brefi branch) so well done slim boy fat. It is thanks to us that he has got lots of comedy awards now. Jono Coleman has released a book about losing weight. But he is still a greedy fat pig and is rubbish. |
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Here’s some advice for all you lardbuckets... There's good food and bad food.
Bad food is here at BellyBytes.
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